Unraveling Faculty Burnout Chapter 4 Compassion

In this mini-episode I share a selection from Chapter 4 on compassion from my book, Unraveling Faculty Burnout.

Transcript

On this special mini-episode of the agile academic I share an excerpt from chapter 4 on Compassion and Lee Skallerup Bessette shares her thoughts as well.

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Welcome to this special series of bite-sized agile academic episodes about my book, Unraveling Faculty Burnout: Pathways for Reckoning and Renewal, available from Johns Hopkins University Press. I talk through what you’ll find in each chapter, read a short excerpts, and even share thoughts from women who contributed to the book. Unraveling Faculty Burnout ships September 20. Links are in the transcript. I’m your host, Dr. Rebecca Pope-Ruark. And now, on to the mini-episode.

Chapter 4 of the burnout resilience section is on compassion and self-compassion. I’ve included compassion because, once again, it was one of the things I lost for myself during my burnout. My self-talk was horrible, I had no self-compassion whatsoever, and I was fully in the throes of compassion fatigue with others, especially students.

I had read Kristin Neff’s work on self-compassion before, but finding it again was really useful as I worked through my burnout. Here’s an excerpt that draws on her work.

"The hardest lesson I learned through my burnout was how to treat myself with compassion. Even though we rarely talk to others we care about the way we speak to ourselves, shaming self-talk and negative ruminations can be hard habits to break. It took a long time to focus less on my self-esteem, which was based on my accomplishments and how others validated me, to compassionately think about myself as a human with flaws who would be OK in the long run and learn from negative experiences (Neff, Kirkpatrick, and Rude 2007; Neff and Vonk 2009). 

Kristin Neff defines self-compassion, largely on the basis of the principles of Buddhism, as a state of “being kind and understanding toward oneself in instances of pain or failure rather than being harshly self-critical; perceiving one’s experiences as part of the larger human experience rather than seeing them as isolating; and holding painful thoughts and feelings in mindful awareness rather than over-identifying with them” (Neff, Kirkpatrick, and Rude 2007, 139). One way to take this mindful approach is to acknowledge those voices in your mind that either criticize or support you—your inner critic and your inner mentor—when you want to work on your self-compassion.

At the height of burnout, just as I had no compassion left for my students, I had no compassion at all for myself; my inner critic ruled my thoughts. All I had was a crumbling ego. Ashamed, I was setting myself apart from everyone else who still had it all together. My self-talk seemed a never-ending onslaught of thoughts about my stupidity, weakness, and uselessness, all because my productivity had halted. I became more and more disconnected from my students, colleagues, and RPR. I began to actively resent colleagues who had roles or titles I was sure I deserved (but didn’t actually want because of the associated workload). As Rachael O’Meara (2017) says in such an understated way, “Mental chatter often takes the form of things you tell yourself that are not in your best interest” (63).

Without self-compassion and before I’d had enough therapy to be able to process my thoughts and emotions in the way Jones describes, I didn’t have a positive sense of self because I was no longer achieving the goals I and academia had set for me. It wasn’t until I did the (really) hard work of decoupling my professional self-esteem from my personal selfhood that I was able to practice self-compassion. For quite a while, I was not at a place where I could look beyond my self-esteem to begin even thinking about treating myself with compassion, which “is felt precisely when life is not going so well, allowing for greater resilience and stability regardless of particular outcomes” (Neff and Vonk 2009, 27). It also took some time before I could clearly see ways I was allowing myself to be treated that were not acceptable in my newfound clarity.

 Self-compassion also requires self-care in a true sense, but as a buzzword. True self-care goes beyond bubble baths and a day off. One of the most crucial lessons I learned was how to take more compassionate care of myself, which did mean some splurges on massages and pedicures, but more importantly it meant getting regular therapy and coaching, journaling, not working at all hours, and ultimately making a big career change that was unexpected but right for my family and me.

“We can’t give people what we don’t have,” says Brené Brown (2012, 177). When you work closely with students, it can be difficult to treat them with compassion when your empathy well is dry for both them and yourself. But we can learn to be self-compassionate, to find more meaning, to move from “coping to thriving” (Nagoski and Nagoski 2019, 68)."

Ending the excerpt there, I like the idea of moving from coping to thriving. Often all we have to offer colleagues experiencing burnout are coping strategies because the necessary systemic change can happen at a glacial pace, if at all. But developing self-compassion can be one of the most powerful ways to start the journey out of burnout.

Here’s what contributor Dr. Lee Skallerup Besette had to say about compassion, self-compassion, and selfishness.

Hi, my name is Lee Skallerup Bessette, and I am the assistant director for digital learning for the center for new designs and learning and scholarship at Georgetown university, I recently edited the book, affective labor and Alta careers published by the university press of Kansas. And I co-host a podcast. All the things ADHD with my colleague, Aimee Morrison, where we talk about being neuro divergent women in academia. I was really excited to be able to contribute to this book because of my own experience with burnout. I clearly remember emailing a number of conference organizers during my PhD one spring pulling out of my commitments because of burnout.

But back then, it felt like an excuse. Not a reason. Burnout was a sign you weren't cut out for academia. And maybe I was secretly hoping they would tell me that. But instead I got compassion as a neuro divergent child growing up in the eighties and nineties compassion. Wasn't something I was used to receiving. I was hard on myself. Sure. But it always felt like everyone else was harder on me. Still as someone with ADHD, I often say the quiet part out loud. And in that moment, during my PhD in those emails to imminent academics in my field, I had done just that saying the quiet part out loud and the sky did not fall. And in fact, I felt both relief and not acceptance, but at least an acknowledgement of the legitimacy of what I was feeling. It should be noted that they were all women as well.

My piece in this book reflects my experience as a neuro divergent women, academic and how I found my own path towards a more sustainable career and life choices. I've also finally let go of trying to be someone I'm not, but instead the best version of myself, my whole self I've embraced the word selfish because especially as a woman self-compassion outspokenness and asking for what you need is often maybe almost always viewed as selfish. I think of the opposite of selfish selflessness, less of yourself, even none of yourself. I couldn't bear to participate in my own erasure anymore. I also, however, work hard to make sure that my selfishness doesn't require the selflessness of anyone. It's a tricky balance to be sure. And I'm still like all of us at work in progress, but if you are burned out, take the opportunity to embrace a little selfishness.

I love Lee’s thoughts on embracing a new version of selfishness for our own self-care. In the next episode I’ll preview Chapter 5 on connection as another pillar of burnout resilience. 

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Thanks for listening to this mini-episode of the agile academic podcast for women in higher ed based on my book Unraveling Faculty Burnout: Pathways for Reckoning and Renewal. The book is available from Johns Hopkins University Press, and you’ll find a link to the page in the transcript. If you are interested in doing a book club on your campus and having me speak with your faculty, please email me at agilefaculty dot rpr at gmail dot com.