Season 1 Retrospective!

In this last episode of season 1 of the agile academic podcast for women in higher ed, I compile my guests' wise words of advice and look t them through the lens of my four resilience pillars: purpose, compassion, connection, and balance

Transcript

Rebecca Pope-Ruark (RPR): Hello listeners. Welcome to the agile academic, a podcast for women in and around higher education. In this first season, I talked with our special guests from all over academia, about a wide range of topics from teaching and research, to writing and speaking, to career vitality and burnout and everything in between. I'm your host, Dr. Rebecca Pope-Ruark. 

Welcome to the last episode of season one, the retrospective. I really enjoyed talking to all of my guests this season and want to revisit one of the most important pieces of each episode: the advice. At the end of each episode, I asked my guests to offer up something they wished every woman in and around higher ed knew, and I got some powerful, awareness-raising responses. So I want to share them again with you. 

But before I do that, I want to chat a little bit about another important element of each episode: the focus on what I've been calling my four pillars of burnout resilience, but they really go beyond burnout and might be a bit of a life-work philosophy for leading a healthy and meaningful academic life. Those four key ideas are purpose, compassion, connection, and balance. In each episode, I also asked each guest to talk about which one of those resonates most for them and their work in higher ed. So in this retrospective episode, I want to talk a bit about each pillar. Then revisit my guests’ advice. 

Let's start with purpose. When I think about purpose, I think about the driving force, the goal, even the whisper in your head telling you how to move forward to something meaningful. Purpose is goal-driven, but it's also values-driven and vision-driven. Purpose evolves with us. We have to pay attention to that evolution, but it's still the guiding force. Here's what episode 6 guest Lisa Monroe said about her purpose:

Lisa Munro: I wish people would dream bigger. Cause I think sometimes like a therapist of mine said this to me once she's like, Lisa, have you ever, like, this is when I was like in an angst over like my lack of academic job and working all these crappy jobs. And I was like, Oh my God, like what is even happening? And I was like, Oh my God, I just want an academic job desperately. And she was like, have you considered the possibility that, um, academia may actually be too small for you? And I was like, well, no, I had not. And that really blew my mind. So I mean like academia is still a little box. I mean, you know, it's part of the world. It's not the whole world. Like there is a much, much bigger world out there and I think it's possible to get what you want. 

But I think you also have to be willing to sometimes step away from the thing that you thought you really wanted most to get what you really really want. I mean, I think you just get really clear on what you need and what's going to make you happy and then you have a vision and then you start, you know, your steps forward, reflect that like, is this stuff gonna get me closer to my vision? Yes, no. Ooh. Possibly not. Okay. I'm not going to do that. Is this step, even though it feels risky and scary. Yes. Here we go. And off you go, after you go and every step you take towards your vision, you know, you're bringing it into reality. I mean, I don't think what I'm doing now would have been possible. The biggest flying leap I took was really moving to Mexico without a plan. But I think it took doing that to like bring the rest of the vision. You know, I had to be serious about it. Yeah. I had to, I had to show myself and the universe that I was serious and I was, 

RPR: Lisa's move to Mexico aligned with her personal and professional purpose for her life. But it took a while for her to articulate and pursue that specific purpose. It's easy to not clearly define our purpose or our values to just go with the flow of what higher ed tells us to value into want. But your purpose is your own. Check-in, dream bigger. 

The second pillar that grounds the podcast and my burnout work is compassion. Here's what my guest and good friend Ashley Patriarca has said about what she wishes women knew: 

Ashley Patriarca: Compassion for themselves. Um, I find it much easier to have compassion towards others than myself when I have a lot on my plate and I suspect the same is true for a lot of us. 

RPR: So how do you think about compassion in higher ed generally? And I think specifically during our COVID year, each of us has our own trauma and it's just too easy, especially for women faculty, to take on others' pain too much, and our empathy wells run dry and compassion fatigue sets in. Episode 1 guest Sandy French said this: 

Sandy French: You know that old adage that women take care and men take charge and, and, and although it might sound strange, the one thing I wish women in higher education would do would be to take less care of everyone else and, and stop feeling like the department's problems are, are your problems. Sometimes we have to own part of, you know, we're part of the problem. We have to own that. Um, but we own our students' problems, and we own our university's problems, and we own the bookstores problems when the students can't get their books on time. And, and so I, I wish women, I guess what I wish is that women would, I'll try to combine them all, have compassion for themselves and stop apologizing for having good boundaries, like protect your space, you know, protect yourself, protect your space. And don't apologize for doing that. 

RPR: Taking care of ourselves first gives us the space to thrive. Here's what episode two guests Katie Linder had to say about compassion:

Katie Linder: Well, I mean, I think for me it has to be tied to radical. Self-trust that I guess what I would say is self-loyalty and self-awareness and self-knowledge is not synonymous with selfishness. And I think that sometimes that's what we, we think that. You know, if we focus on ourselves and we're loyal to ourselves first and what we really need in order to be aligned and kind of focused and living our best lives, being our best selves, that that somehow takes away from other people. And I think that it's, uh, it's, you know, we always hear they'll put your own mask on first, you know, um, the metaphor and I guess it's kind of like that. 

But I'm also really focused on this concept that when you know yourself really well, it becomes way easier to do that. When you have a deep understanding of like, I look at my calendar this week and while I'm on zoom a lot, and I'm going to need some recovery time because I know myself and I know that I'm, I'm not, I'm going to hit a limit or I'm going to have a capacity issue here. 

That's something that impacts my partner positively. It, it, past the people I work with positively, like it, it kind of has this ripple effect of when I take care of myself. And when I have a deep understanding of my core needs and my value system and how I'm making those decisions, it has positive impacts on everyone around me. And that includes my clients. It includes people who are in the communities that I run, you know, all different kinds of areas of my life. So I think that, that is the thing I would say is that, you know, you shouldn't be afraid to lean into that because it is going to have positive effects overall. And I think we're given messaging particularly gendered messaging that that can be very selfish to do that. And it's not, it's kind of the opposite. 

RPR: I love the message from both Sandy and Katie, that we, as women have to commit to having compassion for ourselves before we can be present for others who also need attention and compassion. Karen Costa, my guest on episode three, talked about a new way to think about imposter syndrome specifically, which definitely impacts almost all of us at some point, if not regularly. So what if we considered imposter syndrome to be a compassion issue? Karen had some thoughts on that:

Karen Costa: As a rule. I try not to give advice unless it's asked for. So, um, I will say, uh, something I, something that comes to mind today in this moment that I hear from a lot of women is, and folks might disagree with me, but that's, that's the norm a piece of advice is to, to reconsider imposter syndrome as internalized patriarchy. And I, I hear a lot of women talking about imposter syndrome and I think I don't love that phrase. I think it puts blame on the individual for, um, it's, I feel like it's deficit based and I just don't feel like it empowers women. So I, something that has been helpful to me. So I wouldn't give anybody advice, but I would say something that's been helpful to me is to re reframe that and to say, Oh, well, you know what, guess what, when every day of your life you've been told to be quiet and to not rock the boat and to, you know, follow the, these rules that have been set for women. 

And then you step outside of that, it's going to be excruciating. It's going to be really uncomfortable. It's going to create fear or terror or anxiety. And I think renaming that from imposter syndrome to internalized patriarchy helps me to say, Oh, okay, then I'm just, I'm just going to have to move through this. And my hope is that I wanna see more women publishing. I want to see more women, you know, moving into the role of the president and higher ed leadership. And I w I really want to see more women in the position of editor at our higher ed trade publications and our academic publishers. I really, really want to see that because there there's a lot of power held in that space and there are gatekeepers in place. And I really want to see more women in those spaces, which will lead to more women, getting their writing, published and new ideas and creativity for the, these immense challenges that we face. So I hope that that is helpful to someone to rename that imposter syndrome as I have done, and that it empowers them to kind of call it what it is, and to use that, to motivate them, to, to put their voice out into the world. 

RPR: What a powerful way to think about imposter syndrome and compassion for ourselves. The next pillar I want to talk about is connection, which is really the basis for this entire podcast project hire as a culture that fosters competition, we compete for recognition, publication, grant money, and what feels like a hundred other things. And we were when we're always competing intentionally or not connecting can feel impossible or really exhausting, but connecting to others can be the most powerful part of the work that we do in academia. Here's what my friend, Sandy French and I had to say about the women in our Backchannel group. 

RPR: I think one of the things that I'm thinking, you know, adding to what, what you all have said is this, this idea that there is not a single ounce of competition among any of us, right? It's just not there. We would start laughing if someone tried to compete with, if you tried so competitive, that ironic part of it, there's just, it's just nothing there. We all value each other for our different strengths and for who we are as people. So, and we've talked about it being kind of, it's not something that created immediately, right? It is something that we built up over time, but I, my wish is for women in higher ed to find those people, right, it doesn't have to be a group of 10 people. It doesn't have to be a women's group. You know, it can be two people, right? That you connect to, and that you feel comfortable with having these conversations because these conversations make be a better person and a better professional, who knows how I would've handled certain situations. If I hadn't run it through you guys first, and I know the same has happened for you too. And it's not that I was weak or didn't know how to handle a situation. It was, you know, I need a gut check. Am I on the right track here? Because I'm going to respond badly. If I don't just test this a little bit with folks, or is my anger justified here, or is my concern justified here? And the opportunity to return that sort of return that support. I think is, is, is one of the most important things. It's not, I don't never feel like I'm taking from you all feel like we're always giving to each other, even when it seems like we might be taking, if that makes any sense. 

SF: Yeah. And I think to find those people, you have to be willing to be those people, right? So it's the first time your colleague or somebody you may not know very well comes to you. And they're excited because they got a grant or they got a publication and you have to quell that imposter syndrome that rises up in all of us to say, you got something good. And that must say something bad about me, right? So we have to be those people that say, I can share on your accomplishment and I can be happy for you. And that doesn't mean there's not space for me in the discipline. There's not value to the research that I'm doing, or this person got a teaching award. So I must not be a great teacher. You have to be that person. I think that opens up the space and says there's room for all of us. And then you, you tend to attract like, attracts, like when you're saying, gosh, so-and-so took that so, well, I really want to talk to her again. So I think we have to be those people 

RPR: Talking about opening and really claiming our space as women in higher ed might mean breaking socially ingrained habits. And it probably does mean breaking those habits, which is what my friend, Jen Veltsos and I talked about in episode one:

Jennifer Veltsos: My pet peeve, the thing that I wish all women would know and do is stop apologizing. Reframe it. I've I've been working on this for about two or three years now. I don't say, I'm sorry. I'm late. I say, thank you for your patience. Thank you for waiting. I don't say I, you know, I'm sorry that I forgot to reply to your message, which happened this morning. I'll say things like thank you for reminding me that when I see women do it and, and I see it happening in administration too. And that's where it drives me. Batty is when women apologize for taking up space and they have great ideas, the men in the room just share their ideas. And the women are like, Oh, you know, well, I was thinking, and maybe in button, you know, but it's, but it's a Friday. So who knows? And I'm just like, no, you have good ideas state them. So I, I just, I, if, if there was one thing I wish women would do or knew it is don't apologize. And especially, don't apologize for taking up space. 

RPR: And that leads us into the last pillar balance. We all know how much easier said than done balance can be sometimes talking about work-life balance. Just feels like a joke waiting for a punchline. My episode five guest, Michelle Dionne Thompson, takes balance and rested very seriously for herself and her clients. 

Michelle Dionne Thompson: It's okay to take time away. And I don't mean go on leave. I mean, Fridays at two I'm out, I don't care what's going on right times. That means that you're going to say, yeah, I'm not teaching today. Today. That's the, I'm going to send an email to my students and it's going to be X, Y, and Z, because that's, what's going to have to happen so I can keep track of me. Yeah. It's okay to take time away. And you actually don't have to tell people you're doing it. You just do it. Right. I know people who have they'll schedule time on our colleagues calendar so that it looks like they're busy so that they can do something else. Or, you know, a lot of people will do that for, for writing time to be uninterrupted. 

You know, you could schedule that afternoon. If you really feel like someone's going to judge you, which is terrible anyway. Right. But put it, put it on your calendar, label it something. And once, you know, when we were face to face, I actually with scheduling for the students and for me a research day. So the student is the cause of the nature of what I would give students to do. And like, that's your day, we're at this part of the project. You're going to work on that. You can come to the classroom if you want, you could do it at home, whatever. But that was a chance for, like, I knew that once a month I could go, whew. It was it. They love it. And it worked for me. 

RPR: I think that fights back against the idea that like seat time is some actual measure of learning. 

MDT: It's not, you know, they're out there doing stuff they're creating, they're learning. They're researching where I teach there a lot of working class students. Right? So they're working and going to school right there. Their lives. Are they, the many of them have parents, right? I mean, they have, they are, they are parents. They have young people. I'm like, you need a day off to work. Or this hour, 15 minutes, you need that. 

RPR: And you can stare at the ceiling if you want, or you can meditate or you can shop, or you can go for a walk, you know, whatever. 

MDT: I plan it out in advance. Cause you need it. You know, and going to a conference is not time off unless you book the room two days ahead and you just stay there, whatever. But like, but like you really need that time. It's okay to step away. 

RPR: And episode six guest, Sarah Rose Kavanaugh talked about balance from a different angle. 

Sarah Rose Cavanagh: I think saying no. Is it feel okay to say no and also ask for things, you know, and that this is definitely been a lesson that I have learned. And part of it is just, you know, over the years, being on different committees and seeing different behaviors of male and female faculty, and it just seems like you can ask for things like we have this whole grant pro um, granting program that gives faculty some money to do some research. And I was talking to a fellow faculty who we were in a search committee together and he said, Oh, I always ask, you know, it has like this cap, right. And he's like, I always ask for more than the cap and I usually get it. And I said, how can you ask for more than the cap? The cap is the cap, but the cap is apparently not. 

And I absolutely bet you that women ask for more than a cap almost never. And so I have really tried to intentionally ask for more things. And then the other part of that is saying no to, I think we're reluctant to say no to things. And I think it's really important and it makes a little bit of a cliche. But, um, I think that it is one of the hardest things to learn, to say no, and to ask other people for things. Cause what do they get to think? Maybe they'll say no, but maybe they won't worst. 

RPR: So those are the four pillars of my resilience philosophy through the wise words of my guests on season one of the agile academic podcast for women in higher ed. But before I wrap up this retrospective episode to conclude season one, I want to leave you with a conversation episode seven guests, Mary Churchill. And I had about the value of coaching for women in higher ed. Thanks for listening to the season. And I'll see you back here in June for season two. What is one thing that you wish academic women knew about coaching? 

Mary Churchill: How powerful it is, really how helpful it is and the sense of, I think what I hear the most from my clients is I don't do anything for myself. And I'm not saying, I'm saying this as a client, right? Like they don't do anything for themselves. And they realize as they get into the coaching sessions, wow, this is one hour every two weeks because that's my normal schedule where I have someone who is just there for me, who is not, we're not, I don't feel like you have to tell your stories. And I have like, you're here. I'm paying you to be here for me for one hour. And I don't feel guilty focusing on myself because it's structured. There's a monetary exchange and this is something I'm doing for myself. And I think once they get into it, they're like, this is really important work for me too. 

Why don't I ever do? You know? And they'll say like every two weeks and I'm like, I haven't done anything for myself in two weeks. The only thing I'm doing for myself. And then we also are like, okay, what can you do for yourself? Like, because you can't do this forever, right? This is I'm here to give you some tools and techniques that you can use. You don't need me anymore, so they can go on and do this without me and I, and a lot of that is building network. A lot of women I know are isolated and don't have networks. They don't take that seriously. And so I think that one, it's a temporary thing. Like you'll hire a coach often, they're transition coaches. Like you've gotten a promotion or you have been passed over for a promotion or you have a new job you're starting. 

And that coach works with you while you make that transition and helps you develop the tools that make sense for you to go on without the coach. And so I think that's really, it's like a, a short term contract where you have the space it's in some women feel like it's so much Sheree and I don't want them to feel like it's a luxury. I feel, I want them to feel like this is an important piece. That is part of your toolkit. And it makes sense. We've talked about, you know, kind of hiring a developmental editor for your writing too. That's a toolkit. Like we should not feel like we're cheating or that we're not worth it or feel guilty. Like these are things to be used and trust me, the men use them last. They don't feel guilty that it's an investment that they make in their future. 

RPR: Yeah. That's the way I try to think about it too, is it is an investment in yourself and in your future, it's not a luxury, it's an opportunity. I hope people will continue to take advantage of it. And I hope women will continue to do the training to become coaches so they can be there for other women in this context. 

Thanks for listening to this episode of the agile academic podcast for women in higher ed, to make sure you don't miss an episode, follow the show on Apple and Google podcasting apps and bookmark the show page where you'll find show notes and a transcript with each episode, you'll find the show at Rebecca Pope brewer.com/podcast. If you'd like to recommend someone to interview, please just complete the contact form at the bottom of the page. Take care and stay well.